Why is it the little things that push me over the edge?
I’ve been balancing for months, strong winds buffeting from all sides, and now, one little gust, one little atmospheric irregularity, and I’m thrown into the abyss of tears.
Those who know me well might debate my perception that I’ve even been balancing, but it seems so to me: Preparing our home of 9 years for a new owner - balancing. Anticipating an inter-continental move - balancing. Leaving the security of Dear Man’s salaried position for raise-your-own-support full time ministry - balancing. Looking for answers about home education in a new country - balancing. Precarious, wobbly, but still balancing.
Then today a single phone call and over the edge I go. Plummeting into tears of frustration, anger, resentment, loss, and, finally incomprehension of my own response. Why does this feel so big? Why, with everything else that is happening, is this the thing that releases the sobs and tears?
Maybe it doesn’t matter so much why. Maybe it was simply time for the release, and this was a safe place for it.
Hey, Jennifer ... thanks for your post. I was in the same place 2 days ago ... I don't mean in the balancing, I mean "over the edge". I was trying to figure myself out too. You know, I think we ARE facing far more pressure than we realize and it's not any one thing that is going to push us over the edge. It's the cumulative affect and the final push might not even be that significant. Anyways... just want you to know that I understand (though maybe my pressures are a little different than yours, but still much the same).
ReplyDeleteI look forward to a good visit when you come through here ... I hope you have more than one time slotted for us!
Your Teammate - CJR
Jennifer! So many big things happening! I am glad that you could write it out. I am also glad you could release. It is even harder when Ed is gone I am sure. I fall apart more often when Steve is not there to steady me:)
ReplyDeleteWe shall work on a tea-time?!...