... this fear of consequences should not be a fear of losing love. Your child needs to know you are constantly and consistently connected and emotionally there with her, no matter what the infraction. She only needs to be concerned about the loss of freedom and the possibility of pain. the message is, "I love you, but you have chosen something difficult for yourself."
...Remember that the law restrains our out-of-control selves enough so that we can slow down and listen to the message of love.
Boundaries with Kidsby Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Chapter 8: Life Beyond "Because I'm the Mommy" - The Law of Motivation, page 126, 127
How hard it can be sometimes to maintain emotional connection with my children when I'm 'being their boundaries'. Finding that balance of softness and firmness - like a spine, maybe - is hard. I lean one way or the other and the balance is lost.
But if I can keep my balance I know my children will be able to see the real consequence as their problem, and not 'mean Mommy'.
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Isn't this really the same way that God works with me? The law shows me my sin, and without it I wouldn't know I needed Him. But it is there to point me to my need for Him, not to focus me on my sin. To paraphrase Drs. Cloud and Townsend, "...the law restrains my out-of-control self enough so that I can slow down and listen to God's message of love."
Spriritual disciplines function in much the same way. The disciplines are not faith. They are not salvation. But prayer, fasting, worship, simplicity...they slow me down and put me in a position where I am more attuned to hearing the voice of God.
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