It's the Little Things

On Monday she turned and waved and got on a plane to fly 10,000 km away. 

It's not like she's not been away before. The past two years she's been living on campus at Redeemer University, only coming home for Christmas, summer, and some long weekends. But somehow knowing that this is farther away and longer without time together makes it different. 

The first days are hard, with lots of checking online to see if there's an email or a hangouts message, or even notification of a Skye call waiting to happen. In between the checking, though, there's daily life that distracts us from the vacant spot in our hearts. 

And then it hits. An accidental setting of 5 places at the dinner table instead of 4. Hearing the rain pounding during the night and wondering if she has a tin roof to sing her to sleep when the rain comes. Folding laundry and finding one last item of her clothing that got put through the washing too late to pack.

Those are the things that undo us.

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Three months will pass quickly in the great scheme of things. This is an opportunity I wouldn't have even suggested that she pass up; it could have been made just for her, my God-loving, Missionary-loving, Missionary Kid-loving, Uruguay-loving, children-loving daughter.

But still, it's the little things that make the heart squeeze and the tears pour.

Extra joy? A family photo the day before departure. 

Improbable Weapon

Love.


Satan can't stand in its presence, for it is the essence of God the Father Himself.


Love leaves no room for him to worm his way in, no place for a foot-hold.


An improbable weapon, love is assuredly the strongest one we have against him.


So I pray for love for each child, for each parent, for each unintentional adversary, for the heart of the person, not just actions done or undone.

Costs

She's wondering how friend-love can stretch across distance, how long she can go without connecting. Her tears are real. So is her pain.


What can I do?


We're here because of a calling, a calling we believe is her calling, too. But there are costs involved in answering a calling. When those costs are mine, it's one thing. When the costs are borne by My Girl, it's another.


I turn her to the only true and lasting Comfort that she has. And I leave her with a Book and a pen. And I pray.

Wanted: Routines

Getting back to routine after six weeks of out-of-the-ordinary is hard, especially when the school year ended during the out-of-the-ordinary time and no summer routine had been established.

So, what with a three hour time change, no routines for 6 weeks, and no school to act as our skeleton for daily scheduling, we've been floundering.

Today I decided that we couldn't go on this way and have been working at putting together a summer schedule. I know it's going to change. I know it isn't going to work every day. But it WILL keep me and The Ones I Love from wanting to fling each other out of windows (mostly).

I'm going to use our food times as anchors: breakfast, lunch, supper, and snacks. And then, following each food time we will have a task to do that involves everyone, since everyone is already gathered. It might be a school job (history read aloud or literature). It might be a house chore. We'll see. But after the everyone task is done, then reading time or play time (indoor or out, as the case suits) will be offered until the next together time.

Oh. One more thing. NOBODY will leave the kitchen after food times until all the kitchen clean-up is done. NOBODY!

...

So, do you think it'll work? Time will tell. But at least I have a plan, and that's half the battle as far as I'm concerned.

Law and Love

... this fear of consequences should not be a fear of losing love.  Your child needs to know you are constantly and consistently connected and emotionally there with her, no matter what the infraction.  She only needs to be concerned about the loss of freedom and the possibility of pain.  the message is, "I love you, but you have chosen something difficult for yourself."

...Remember that the law restrains our out-of-control selves enough so that we can slow down and listen to the message of love.

Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

Chapter 8: Life Beyond "Because I'm the Mommy" - The Law of Motivation, page 126, 127

How hard it can be sometimes to maintain emotional connection with my children when I'm 'being their boundaries'.  Finding that balance of softness and firmness - like a spine, maybe - is hard.  I lean one way or the other and the balance is lost.


But if I can keep my balance I know my children will be able to see the real consequence as their problem, and not 'mean Mommy'.

::

Isn't this really the same way that God works with me?  The law shows me my sin, and without it I wouldn't know I needed Him.  But it is there to point me to my need for Him, not to focus me on my sin.  To paraphrase Drs. Cloud and Townsend, "...the law restrains my out-of-control self enough so that I can slow down and listen to God's message of love."


Spriritual disciplines function in much the same way.  The disciplines are not faith.  They are not salvation.  But prayer, fasting, worship, simplicity...they slow me down and put me in a position where I am more attuned to hearing the voice of God.

Lazy Parenting is an Oxymoron

Is anger just a cover-up for other, unidentified emotions?  How do I see what's really behind the yell, the whine, the book slammed on the table?


Could it be that  "I hate learning Spanish" really means "I'm used to being able to say whatever I need to, and to being able to answer hard questions and meet new people, and I know I'm not going to be able to do that when we move. I'm afraid of sounding silly (or of being lonely or of embarrassment...).  So Instead I'm going to fight you about learning this new language so I don't have to think about all the changes that are coming."


I have so much to learn.


A while back I read a book by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  Boundaries with Kids opened my eyes to a lot of things I needed to see about how I guide my children with love and limits.  Recently I picked it up again and now I realize how much I STILL need to learn.  Helping children express themselves in a safe, healthy way that respects those around them is a big job, a job I'm often too lazy to do well.  But it is my job, the one I've been given by God Himself.  And there's no room for laziness in a job that's been assigned by the King of Kings.  


Time to buckle down and align the priorities I set for my time and energy with the priorities He sets for me.  That will involve reading the whole book again, but, more importantly, it will involve lots of prayer and time with my Lord.  He'll guide me.  I know He will.